The Roses

God is so good. And so sovereign. I love how he awakens my heart in the most amazing ways.

Yesterday when I was studying, a song began playing on my Nickel Creek Pandora station...It was called The Roses by Caedmon's Call. After hearing it about 4 times over the past week, I was curious what album it was from. I clicked on the link and it took me to the album description (the album is called "Share the Well".

It is an album all about India.

My heart melted.

I don't know if many people know, except for Reed, but I have the biggest soft spot for India and Indian people.

It started with reading the book "Revolution in World Missions" by KP Yohannan. Amazing. Life Changing. This book gave me such a wake up call as far as where my perspective was on world missions. Missions had never impacted the depth of my heart so deeply.



God was moving my heart in such a big way, but the true "seal" that made me realize I had a heart for India was the amount of Indian people that were put into my life. I happen to be in a very technical field in the business school and besides the PPA students in all my classes, the other half is mostly international students. The majority are Indian students with some Chinese, Vietnamese and others mixed in.

At first, I will be so honest, I thought the Indian students were just going to think we were all so stupid because I had this idea that they were just machines that could do anything and everything perfect. I was so intimidated that I just hoped I could get by without them thinking I was an idiot.

Then I met Alok, Kabir, Nidhi, Vinodh, Loc, Bhargav and Kushal. These guys will never fully know how much they mean to me. I have learned so much from them...so much.

First, I learned that Indian people are....well, people. There are some really overachieving Indian people and there are some really slacker Indian people. I guess I realized that we had more similarities than differences than I thought. Just like I had pieces of overachiever and little pieces of slacker, so did they. They were human.

Second, I was humbled by how sincere and loving they are. Never ONCE did they ever forget my name. In fact, I started to have to take seriously the art of remembering people's names just because one introduction means they will forever remember my name. They are the most sincere and welcoming people I know. They always will stop and talk to me in the hallways and never once will they pretend like they don't see me in order to get where they are going quickly or avoid an awkward conversation. They care to know me.

Ever since then, I have been just realizing how much I love my Indian friends. Each semester I meet new friends and realize in a new way how wonderful these people are. I feel the LORD truly moving and showing me how beloved they are in His sight. None of them are Christians, in fact, most would claim to be Hindu, but don't really practice all that much. But they are beautiful people....I wish I could just give you a taste of how beautiful their hearts really are. Jesus has really opened up my heart to love and pray for them. They are so lost, but they are still so wonderful and they are children of God....

This semester I have been humbled and learning so much from the LORD. Jesus has shown me how much I truly desire control and how much I truly desire to be put together. He has revealed the sin in my heart that is afraid of losing friends I love if I'm not perfect to them all the time. He is showing me how I have bought into Satan's lie that people will not love me if I am anything but perfect to them all the time. I also have realized how much I try and perform perfectly for God. I didn't think I did it, but God has been so faithful in illuminating instances where I cannot come to terms with the fact that I will mess up. I can't just give myself, how I am, messiness and all, over to Jesus.

While Jesus has been holding me in His arms and tenderly comforting me as I have had sins exposed, I really have been trying to learn how to balance true communion with God and seeking to pour out. I think I am an "extremist" and choose either one side of the pendulum or the other. Either I am all about my relationship with Christ or I am all about serving. I have a hard time with balance.

God is so faithful, though. During this time of refinement, when I am learning how to TRULY understand that Jesus is PRESENT with me...He DESIRES me, He LOVES me, I don't have to hate myself in order to prove that I want to change, I just need to hand over my sin to Jesus and trust that He will refine me.

While I am learning all this, God is so AWESOME to remind me of my love for Indians. He is showing me how to balance being in relationship with Him and pouring out my love to others.

I totally wasn't expecting this CD we found to have anything to do with India. It was on a blue grass station. Blue grass and India? Yeah I wasn't expecting that.

But man the second I saw that, I bought the CD and it is just the most amazing songs about India. It even has native Indians performing their music on the CD.

It is beautiful. It makes me want to go to India. It makes me want to go hug Manopa (the girl that I sponsor through Gospel for Asia).

I just wanted to share how good, awesome, mighty, powerful, compassionate and INTENTIONAL my Mighty Father, Abba, has been.

He is the one who stirs our hearts. Nothing about this love for India is of me. He started it all and He is so faithful to continue it in my heart. I am so thankful for this reminder of my Indian friends.

It has woken my soul again.