I'm hardcore!

Sooooooooooooooo I got a little behind in studying.

And then all the sudden my test is in 6 days.

That equals me studying for 8 hours Monday, 8.5 hours yesterday and an estimated 8.5 hours today. Oh yeah and the same for the next couple days (minus Sunday, that will only be like 4 or 5 hours) until my test on Wednesday.

What is amazing, is I have not gotten burnt out.

I have to study this much though, because I haven't finished all the lectures (me writing this blog is a little break :) ). The lectures are typically 3 1/2 to 4ish hours. Then I have to reread the notes, so that I can actually know the material. Then I work the problems, which typically takes me 2 hours. I'm like halfway done with a lecture right now. So today is doing the work for that lecture and tomorrow I can finish the last lecture. Then I can have Saturday, Sunday (not for very much time, like I said above, I need a break sometime, plus Jesus time is non-negotiable). Then I still have Monday and Tuesday to review.

This is TOTALLY and COMPLETELY the Lord. I don't regret getting behind last week. I got some good time with family and got to be with Reed and his family when they needed me.

But it is just such a blessing to have strength the past couple of days. God is SO good! Like I have had energy to have quiet times (more consistent than when I have tons of time...funny isn't it) and I have been able to pull of working 4 hours and then still coming home and studying a full 8 to 8.5.

I pinned up Colossians 3:23-24 over my desk (where I have been doing most of my studying) and it has been so encouraging every time I want to give up. It says:

Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.

All I can keep saying, is this is totally God's grace. I've never been so encouraged and spurred on my reading a verse above my computer amidst studying. Usually studying makes me stress, cause I realize I'm so behind. But having God's Word above my study area has been a blessing.

Spring Break Update

Okay so I thought I was going to take pictures this spring break, but ended up not. I'm sorry. I promise I'll try and take pictures sometime so you guys can remember what my face looks like.

The biggest reason why I didn't take any pictures is because this break was ridiculously busy. It started with us getting into town late Saturday, then waking up the next morning to go to church, then running around after church trying to find some stuff for my first bridal shower and then racing to the bridal shower.

The shower was just EXHAUSTING. In the best way ever, but it tires me to have to be social and smiling for that long. I loved it though. It was so neat to have so many woman around me that loved me and were supporting me. All in all, I feel incredibly blessed.

The next couple of days were a whirlwind of dress fittings, shoe shopping, dress shopping, floral shopping and meeting with our event center. Reed's mom and sister were also in town, which meant that we spent a day in Fredricksburg too. By Wednesday, I was SO exhausted! But we managed to go shopping AGAIN that day to try and find a dress for my mom. It was good, but by the time we got back, I was pooped.

Thursday was an interesting day. It started with studying and then meeting my friend Meredith Harrell for a little lunch break (which was amazing and so needed). When I got back, I hung out with Reed and watched him beat the original Zelda game on our wii. We eventually had dinner and then Kristen (my sister) and I played mario party 8 on the wii. At the very end of our game Reed got a call from his dad that his grandparents (his dad's parents) had both died earlier that day in a car accident somewhere between Denver and Casper, WY (that is where they live). His dad had just found out and was calling him to let him know.

Reed was just shocked. For a while he just needed to sit and cry. Eventually, we started talking and decided we needed to go to Dallas to be with his family. We had heard that his grandparents didn't want a service, but Reed's dad was having a hard time so we knew that we needed to just be with them this weekend.

So the next day we ended up going to Dallas and the car ride was good. We just got a chance to talk and it really helped Reed settle down and feel a little better. We laughed and listened to music until I got a text from Jennifer telling me that CPA exam scores were up. I immediately went into nervous mode as Reed and I searched for free wi-fi. We finally found a Subway and I checked my grades and I PASSED! It was really exciting and Reed was really excited for me :)

After that, we kept on to Dallas and spent the weekend with his parents and sister. Reed helped to write the obituary and spent some good time with his dad. One evening we played diceology and his dad had such a great time. It was so good to see him smile :)

Things are still hard for their family, especially Reed's dad. I think he is just going to be sad about it for a while. The whole family is headed up to Wyoming this weekend for the reception, so please keep Reed, his dad and the rest of his family in your prayers.

God is good. And His timing is good. Pray that that truth would be a comfort to Reed's family.

I just don't know what to do with myself

Remember My Best Friend's Wedding, when Cameron Diaz sings that AWFUL song at the karaoke bar? Well that's what my title just made me think of :)

But I really don't know what to do with myself recently. I am still not feeling 100% and I don't think its that I'm so sick, it's just that I am so tired. My mom keeps telling me that its just how things are when you have chronic mono, and I'm sure that's true...but what do you do with yourself when moving around makes your lymph nodes swell up and makes you feel like its 4 AM all the time.

Well yesterday I just stayed in bed all day. Part of the day, I listened to Harry Potter playing on my laptop and just napped. When I finally woke up from my nap, I did some email checking and watched The Office.

After that, I took a shower and went to our friend's house to play the wii. You would think after a day of "saving up" my energy I would be able to go play the wii and have a little bit of energy.

Kid you not, I was tired at 9:30. We got there at like 7:30. LAME.

It's okay though, because today is just going to be catching up on CPA exam stuff. The good thing about that is I can do it all in my bed. Praise God for laptops, because I can be "resting" and also getting some catch-up stuff done as well.

Oh and one more thing...my favorite team, Liverpool, just beat Manchester United 4-1. That is like a dominating win. Not just "oh they won"...it's like "oh they just EMBARRASSED them!" haha! Here is a picture of Reed and I's favorite players! Torres (my favorite) is on the left and Gerrard (Reed's favorite) is on the right!

Have you filed your taxes?

I JUST DID!

As lame as it is...filing my taxes was my break from studying and working taxation problems.

I don't know if anyone out there knows this, but if you are low income (like below $33,000) you can use turbo tax online for free.

I've never used turbo tax but it is SO great! I love it! I love not having to worry about all the little tax rules! And I'm getting a lot back because I've been paying for my own school!

:)

Exciting!

Random fact: I've decided that I need to use my camera more. My freshman and sophomore year I used that sucker all the time. So be ready for a Spring Break Photo Update!

And other updates: I'm feeling so much better from being so sick on Sunday and Monday. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that my doctor knows I have chronic mono, therefore he knows the meds that will "aggressively" kick whatever it is that I have. Apparently I had a bacterial infection in my throat. Apparently I don't even have to know anyone who has had this illness in order to catch it. I love my immune system!

The only weird thing about these meds is that they almost make me feel too energized. I had a hard time falling asleep last night and DEFINITELY regretted it this morning. Suprisingly, though, I haven't had any caffeine this morning. I mean I'm about to have a Diet Dr. Pepper, but making it to 10:30 without caffeine is saying something for me!

Okay well I'm off to work on my notecards then get some grub from Mays Fest. $ .50 Double Dave's pizza rolls and $1.00 Jamba Juice! You better believe that's where I'm getting my lunch from today! You can't beat those prices...You could get a decent lunch for $3!!

Yummmm :)

Taxes are Crazy!

They seriously are...I think I have an especially hard time studying them because they make no sense. The numbers are completely arbitrary it seems like.

This week's been weird because firstly, I HATE TAXES. I will never do them for anyone, unless they hand over turbo-tax...then I MIGHT. Secondly, I got this crazy phantom sickness Sunday. I have been really tired all week, but not much more than tired. Well I got this sudden feeling of tiredness so I took a nap and woke up feeling awful.

My throat was swollen, my ears were plugged, my whole head felt like it hated me with a passion and my body sort of ached.

It was like instant. Before the nap, I'm fine, after I wake up and feel like a zombie.

Poor bible study girls...I was so tired and so deathly looking. haha.

Anyways, Dr. Bacak is great and got me on some meds that have definitely calmed things down a TON...but now I'm in the stage where I'm still a little tired, but I know that I have enough energy to get some school work done. It just takes me an extra boost of energy to get motivated to memorize tax laws.

Sick out.

But here I go...Off to study! Pray for me, I hate getting sick, so I'm hoping this one is short.

¹Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

²fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

³For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Hebrews 12:1-3

Running

So I have been having a really rough week. Emotionally I have just been really down and pretty much spent. I have also been so exhausted. I sleep at least 9 hours a night and sometimes during the day, if I don't drink caffeine often enough, I feel like I can't survive unless I sleep.

All in all, its just been a crazy week. I've found myself crying a lot. I've found myself sleeping a lot. I've found myself going and going a lot.

The one thing I haven't found, is myself in the Word.

I think because the week has been so hard on me, that I've just put off my time with God because I either felt like I wanted to just survive or I felt incredibly tired.

Yesterday, I realized that I had a major issue with how I approached the rough times in my life. I have had a lot of personal things going on in my head. I've messed up and been hurt. But the biggest mistake I made was not turning to Jesus.

There were times intermittently that I would talk to God and come to Him with my hurts, but all in all, I didn't put God has my highest priority. I can know this for sure because despite my busy week, I still made time to work out three times. Spending time in the Word got no time.

Last night I started feeling better, I started feeling like I wasn't just trying to keep my head above water throughout this week and with that feeling, came conviction. How did my actions over the past week reflect Christ as my Savior? I mean I needed help and encouragement this week. A lot of it. Why did I not go to the one that I profess to love the most. It's like I just gave up. In fact, I know I gave up. I was so exhausted from keeping afloat.

As I was laying in bed last night I began to reflect on a bible study (that I haven't done in forever) that I am currently doing on Abraham. I'm only in the beginning parts of it, but one of the key things that is show in Genesis 12-15 is that God rewards obedience to Him. Not rewards like every time you do something great, He will give you something great. But it pleases Him when we are obedient and therefore He rewards us, whether we see the reward now or later.

This led me to really sit and think with God....What is it, specifically, that I need to obey?

The Lord led me clearly to a couple of things:
-I need to fight for my time with Him and with His Word. That means everyday, fight for it.
-I need to extend grace, whether I am given it all the time or not. I need to unconditionally extend grace.
-I need to let go of my pride. There are too many times when I don't extend love or affection because I am too proud to be soft. Or I get angry and bitter when I don't make the best grade, because deep down my pride in my grades is hurt. I need to let go of the pride.

I went to bed last night thinking....neat, cool....now what? I want to change my heart about these things, but how do you do it. Do I just say "heart...CHANGE NOW!" So I fell asleep wondering, how in the world could I help to get my heart right. I decided that I would wake up this morning, run (hopefully waking me up enough to get through quiet time without falling asleep) and then I would dig through these things with the Lord.

Well I didn't even realize that the Lord had plans for my run. He wanted to teach me half of the lesson by running. I still am going to dig in the Word with Him right now, but I wanted to write down what I had learned on my run before I forgot.

I realized that my biggest problem is perseverance. I don't FIX my eyes upon Jesus...upon the Cross...Upon the shame He carried WILLINGLY.

the definition for fix is to settle definitely; determine. A definite settling. My biggest problem is when times get hard, when I hurt, my eyes become unfixed. They are not fixed on Jesus anymore.

This morning, running, Hebrews 12:1-3 became so real to me:

¹Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

²fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

³For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

I think it is so neat that our christian life is compared to a running a race. Having just run myself, I know that there are points in the run where the wind is beating down on me and I am running probably as fast as I could walk. There are also times when obstacles are in the way...brush, cars, people. All of these times take endurance, to keep pushing.

There is a race set before us. A race hurts sometimes (like when your chest and legs are burning) but we are called to endure because Jesus died on the cross so that we would "not grow weary and lose heart". I grew weary and definitely lost heart this past week. Because it was such a rough week, I decided to start walking and feeling sorry for myself. Not because I deserved it, but because it was easier. It is so much easier to just finish a run by walking. But to endure and finish well, that is where true determination and endurance lies. Choosing to press on, despite hurt.

God has revealed so much to me this morning through this run. I think He has given me a glimpse at how to work on all of those things that I need to be obedient on...I need to endure and persevere and LOOK TO WHAT JESUS DID ON THE CROSS.

There is a race set before you and me...I have to face it. Whether we run or not, it's there. It's not a choice, this is what accepting Christ looks like. It will be us striving to run the race well because it was "set before us". I pray we run it with great endurance. Hopefully when we have weeks like I just had, we run, we persevere instead of walking. I pray that we grab hold of grace and let it be our strength. We could never run this race on our own. We will always grow weary and lose heart if we are on our own. But fixing our eyes upon Jesus andgrabbing hold of the grace He offers us daily, we will not only be refined but we will never grow weary or lose heart.

For me that is such a comforting thing after a week where I truly did grow so incredibly weary and I know that I allowed myself to lose heart.

I'm not so good at memory verses but I think that this is going to be mine for this next week or so. I want this to be my constant encouragement and challenge as I walk through my day.

One final thought to spur us all on. There are two definitions of perseverance on dictionary.com:

1. Steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

2. Theology. continuance in a state of grace to the end, leading to eternal salvation.

I'm praying for perseverance for us all. Until the end, let us persevere together in this race that has been set before us.

Less than 100 days!

Days to Wedding: 96!

I'm not much of a countdown girl...and if it wasn't for the fact that Reed's mom has the recordable toilet paper rolls (you know, the ones where you pull the roll and it says something to you) I would never have known it was under 100.

This is what I heard the first time I had to go to the restroom this weekend....

"Welcome back! In 99 days you can wear that wedding band for real!"

Hahaha! She's so funny.

It is crazy though to think about it all. Crazy exciting.

In other news, I have a SUPER busy week. Apparently I relaxed TOO much this weekend. I have a test tomorrow, a paper due Thursday and an assignment due on Friday. All the while I have to be keeping up with my CPA stuff...ugh.

Also, could you guys pray for the families of the student who was killed and students who were injured in a car/pedestrian accident this weekend. The girl who died was in PPA...I was in class with her. The other girl in the hospital is in PPA too.

The whole thing has been on my mind the past 12 hours. It's just so sad, they were just in a parking garage, in line paying for their parking and an out of control truck ran through the line of people. They were honestly probably having a night off after their last exam...celebrating the fact that they had two done. I didn't know this girl well, but she apparently was just a great girl. Involved in christian business leaders and in PPA. She probably had been working so hard studying for her exams, making sacrifices because in the end it would help her career. Those are all good things and the rest of us all need to continue do press on. It's just sad when a life gets ended like that. It makes you realize how our time on earth is fleeting.

It really just gives you a whole different perspective on life.

Here is the link to the story: http://www.kbtx.com/home/headlines/40500312.html