Beautiful Brokenness

I need to just update everyone on life right now.

This past week has been such a crazy roller coaster for me.

It all started with getting a call on Monday that our apartment had been sublet. This is WONDERFUL news but I'm not going to lie, I was kind of freaking out. At first I resigned to just living with Reed's roommate Zach, but after a couple of good friends expressing their concern around whether or not that would be a wise or good thing for Reed and I's marriage, we decided that we should search for other places to live and have living with Zach a last resort. Not that Zach isn't great, just that living with anyone would be a last resort.

So that began the week of worry. I will be straight up and honest...I did not do this week well at all. I am completely humbled looking back at how I completely let this wreck my life. I have never felt so overwhelmed by something in my life...not ever. I didn't know how I was going to:
1. take the CPA exam in a little over a week when I was so behind
2. find a place for us to live
3. find somewhere for my stuff to go since we had to be out of the apartment by May 20th (also known as the date of my 4th and final CPA exam...which I signed up for in San Antonio)
4. how i was going to get the mountains of school stuff done in the next couple of weeks while simultaneously figuring out all of the above questions.

I know it sounds dramatic but it seriously just hit me like a bombshell and I really did feel hopeless and helpless. Again...I did not handle or do this last week well at all. I'm not really sure what to do with this feeling of "wow I really messed up", other than knowing that I can live in grace and not be confined or enslaved by that sin anymore.

Finally, after we resigned to live in the Valley (down near South Padre where my parent's have a house), we started to get some calls about places to live.

The first is from a lady who is exchanging a small one bedroom apartment above their workshop (which is separate from the house) for 20 hours a week of watching her kids. NO rent, utilities or internet, just needs someone to watch her kids. We are going to meet her on Wednesday and check out the place and meet the kids.

The second option is my friend Jennifer offered her room since she will be living with her husband over the summer in Houston.

Two doors...opened...after we submitted and trusted instead of remaining in a state of panic and bitterness because our plans changed.

I will be honest here....I still haven't learned much from this week. But I know I will, I feel God moving, I just don't know if I've "gotten the picture" yet. But I think I will choose to be faithful instead of worrying and trying to take control.

Oh and one other thing...I had my lingerie shower this weekend and it was SO much fun. But towards the end of the shower I started to feel achy and funny. Once we got in the car my lymph nodes in my groin and neck started throbbing. My whole body just felt feverish and gross.

So yes, I am sick...again.

And again, I'm not sure what this means. I'm not sure spiritually what to even think about my ability to get sick so easily.

But I'm just going to study as much as I can and rest as much as I can and hope that my swollen throat gets better so that I can start feeling better.

God is good. God is powerful and sovereign. God is the only almighty.

I think I lost sight of these truth's this last week. And I'm hoping that I keep getting refined through learning where I messed up this last week and especially through my sickness. It stinks being sick a lot. I can't imagine what only getting sick once a year feels like. But I'm going to choose to believe that God will use my chronic mono, because He is more than a conqueror.

I just don't know what to do with myself

Remember My Best Friend's Wedding, when Cameron Diaz sings that AWFUL song at the karaoke bar? Well that's what my title just made me think of :)

But I really don't know what to do with myself recently. I am still not feeling 100% and I don't think its that I'm so sick, it's just that I am so tired. My mom keeps telling me that its just how things are when you have chronic mono, and I'm sure that's true...but what do you do with yourself when moving around makes your lymph nodes swell up and makes you feel like its 4 AM all the time.

Well yesterday I just stayed in bed all day. Part of the day, I listened to Harry Potter playing on my laptop and just napped. When I finally woke up from my nap, I did some email checking and watched The Office.

After that, I took a shower and went to our friend's house to play the wii. You would think after a day of "saving up" my energy I would be able to go play the wii and have a little bit of energy.

Kid you not, I was tired at 9:30. We got there at like 7:30. LAME.

It's okay though, because today is just going to be catching up on CPA exam stuff. The good thing about that is I can do it all in my bed. Praise God for laptops, because I can be "resting" and also getting some catch-up stuff done as well.

Oh and one more thing...my favorite team, Liverpool, just beat Manchester United 4-1. That is like a dominating win. Not just "oh they won"...it's like "oh they just EMBARRASSED them!" haha! Here is a picture of Reed and I's favorite players! Torres (my favorite) is on the left and Gerrard (Reed's favorite) is on the right!

Have you filed your taxes?

I JUST DID!

As lame as it is...filing my taxes was my break from studying and working taxation problems.

I don't know if anyone out there knows this, but if you are low income (like below $33,000) you can use turbo tax online for free.

I've never used turbo tax but it is SO great! I love it! I love not having to worry about all the little tax rules! And I'm getting a lot back because I've been paying for my own school!

:)

Exciting!

Random fact: I've decided that I need to use my camera more. My freshman and sophomore year I used that sucker all the time. So be ready for a Spring Break Photo Update!

And other updates: I'm feeling so much better from being so sick on Sunday and Monday. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that my doctor knows I have chronic mono, therefore he knows the meds that will "aggressively" kick whatever it is that I have. Apparently I had a bacterial infection in my throat. Apparently I don't even have to know anyone who has had this illness in order to catch it. I love my immune system!

The only weird thing about these meds is that they almost make me feel too energized. I had a hard time falling asleep last night and DEFINITELY regretted it this morning. Suprisingly, though, I haven't had any caffeine this morning. I mean I'm about to have a Diet Dr. Pepper, but making it to 10:30 without caffeine is saying something for me!

Okay well I'm off to work on my notecards then get some grub from Mays Fest. $ .50 Double Dave's pizza rolls and $1.00 Jamba Juice! You better believe that's where I'm getting my lunch from today! You can't beat those prices...You could get a decent lunch for $3!!

Yummmm :)

Taxes are Crazy!

They seriously are...I think I have an especially hard time studying them because they make no sense. The numbers are completely arbitrary it seems like.

This week's been weird because firstly, I HATE TAXES. I will never do them for anyone, unless they hand over turbo-tax...then I MIGHT. Secondly, I got this crazy phantom sickness Sunday. I have been really tired all week, but not much more than tired. Well I got this sudden feeling of tiredness so I took a nap and woke up feeling awful.

My throat was swollen, my ears were plugged, my whole head felt like it hated me with a passion and my body sort of ached.

It was like instant. Before the nap, I'm fine, after I wake up and feel like a zombie.

Poor bible study girls...I was so tired and so deathly looking. haha.

Anyways, Dr. Bacak is great and got me on some meds that have definitely calmed things down a TON...but now I'm in the stage where I'm still a little tired, but I know that I have enough energy to get some school work done. It just takes me an extra boost of energy to get motivated to memorize tax laws.

Sick out.

But here I go...Off to study! Pray for me, I hate getting sick, so I'm hoping this one is short.

¹Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

²fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

³For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Hebrews 12:1-3