Exercise!!!

Guess what! I have started to exercise again!

It has been A LONG time since I have exercised. My two main reasons for not working out have been battling with feeling to busy with studying and feeling scared that if I work out, I'll get mono again. Being the anomaly who gets mono THREE times when your supposed to get it once and then never have to deal with it again, I am a little hesitant to exert myself physically. At least not too much, too quickly.

My first day of working out started with a 45 minute walk. I actually wasn't really keeping track of time and I'm not really sure I know how far I went. I do know that I tried to do the proper technique of power walking, ie the heel to toe walk and a much faster pace then my normal walk. It felt SO good to walk and enjoy the weather.

Throughout the walk I listened to my favorite Caedmon's Call CD and decided that I was going to sing out loud, because who cares what the people in the cars think of me. I like to sing...so what?!?!

Anyways, by the end of the walk, the power walking was really starting to work my upper thighs and my calves. If you do the right technique, power walking is a pretty good workout.

Then I got home and discovered my new workout buddy...the Wii Fit!

It is so cool! You play little games to do aerobics and strength training and balance training workouts. By the time you've done 30 minutes, you don't even realized that you've worked out your abs and your legs!

My favorite was the hula hoop game! That is the one I have pictured above. Basically because your standing on the wii fit board, it can tell how you are shifting your weight and therefore it will "hula" on the screen. While your doing it, its amazing how much your abs and your back get worked out by doing the circular hip motion. It's way cool.

They also have strength training stuff, so you can do ab exercises, arm exercises, and leg exercises.

By the end of the whole work out, the walk and the wii fit, I felt SO GOOD! I mean I was a little sore, but not overly sore. It was a perfect balance of feeling like my body had gotten some work in, but at the same time not overexerting myself.

I think that this might be my new workout plan, walk (eventually getting to a jog, then run) and do wii fit!

I'm pretty gosh darn excited :) :) :)

Rest

This week has been such a hard but good week.

I have learned SO much from the exam I took on Tuesday.

It was ridiculously hard. I knew it would be hard, but I wasn't expecting them to ask random obscure questions. It made me feel a little better to know not everyone had the same test, so I had comfort in the fact that I had a hard test.

Then I started thinking of how unfair it would be if I didn't pass and other people did because they got the easy test. If I had there test, I probably would have passed too.

In small ways here and there, bitterness started to creep in my heart. I completely bought into the lie that it was not fair. I deserved better. I worked hard.

I talked with my mentor about it and she hit me dead on with a really hard hitting question...Do I really believe God is sovereign? What is the underlying fear keeping you from believing that?

I thought I had done pretty well thinking God was sovereign but ever since she asked me that question, I started to evaluate my heart on it all.

It was obvious I did not believe at all that God was sovereign. First, by my bitterness and complaints I saw that I truly believed people were in control and they were being unfair.

I guess it hit me hard when I realized that these had just been words for me. God being "sovereign" throughout this process was not being reflected in my thoughts and actions.

Praise God for exposing this sin. I think had my test gone well, I would not have had a clue that I didn't really believe in God's sovereignty because when I professed it before, I really thought I believed it. I needed this bad experience to show me that there were some big areas of darkness in my heart.

I'm still coming to terms with it and wrestling with God about where to go from here. I'm not really sure to be quite honest. But I can say that I am for sure God had everything to do with my test on Tuesday. And His plan had nothing to do with me passing or failing or anything like that. I think that the CPA exam this first time around was not about me getting accounting, but about me trusting God. It was about me learning that I didn't really understand what resting in belief was.

That I am sure of. God intended to teach me a lot. A LOT. I'm still digging through it to be honest. I'm still trying to learn how to love the Lord fully, to find my rest in Him by truly TRULY believing in His will over everything....I'm still trying to see myself, mistakes and all, as truly and completely beloved. I'm still trying to just enjoy being still with God, because He simply is God. And that is never a waste of time.

There are so many things the Lord Jesus is doing right now. Hopefully I can have a little more clarity in what it is later on.

For now, all I can say is the CPA exam was awful, but it revealed my messy heart...without it being awful, I would never have realized my lack of faith and my hypocrisy in professing that God is sovereign. It had to be more than words for me...I had to experience it, to "get" it.

I'm thankful that God is so good and faithful...I'm glad He perseveres and has patience in teaching me. I still don't even "get" it. But at least I see that there is something I need to "get".

sitting at work

Thanks for the prayer everyone! I'm not sure I'm completely ready to tell the exam story. I feel like I've told it at least 5 times yesterday and once today.

Honestly, I'm mostly not ready because it was bad...like really bad. There is definitely more to that story. But for now, I'm wanting to choose peace and I'm just not ready to let it all out yet.

BUT! Guess what!

I get to have a date night tonight! My mom sent me some money for a "post-exam celebration" dinner and Reed and I are going to go to Pei Wei and then we are going to go to Barnes and Nobles to get ideas for our ceremony and vows.

I am SO excited! We are meeting with Toney, the pastor who is doing our wedding, tomorrow, so tonight is the night where we sit nerdily in Barnes and Noble isles looking at ideas for how our ceremony will go.

I cannot tell you how much my heart melts when I think of marrying Reed. Everyday I just want to tell someone how excited and ready I am to marry him. I know people probably expect that, but he is amazing....

He is the one who:
-makes me come to his work so that he can sit in the car with me while I cry about my exam.
-buys me groceries so I can have extra time to study
-desires for our marriage to be about Christ, even if that means we have to do things out of our comfort zone
-takes his poetry class seriously and could talk to me for hours about how to put a poem together correctly
-plays wii with me and lets me talk trash, even though he beats me every time
-tells me how proud he is of all the work I've put into the CPA exam, because he knows how important it is for us
-constantly builds me up and encourages me
-doesn't mind that I'm goofy and a tad bit nerdy
-would pick me over soccer any day
-texts me every morning with "Good morning beautiful :) How did you sleep?"
-doesn't think I should be ashamed of being sensitive
-has grace with me when I repeatedly don't deserve it

I just, plain and simply, love him.

Tomorrow is the Day.

Tomorrow is the day that I will take the first section of the CPA exam.

I'm excited, but I'm also a little nervous.

Right now, I feel relaxed and I feel pretty okay, but I keep hearing these lies that I'm not studying hard enough, or I haven't worked hard enough, or that I'm going to have a panic attack as soon I sit down for the test and nothing I try to do will help. Lies.

So I have some prayer requests:

1. That I not choose to be anxious, but that I completely walk in faith during the test. Right now I'm okay, but satan is attacking and there is still 27 hours until my test.

2. That I slow down when taking my test. I took a practice exam yesterday, which was EXACTLY like the real exam, right down to the way the buttons work and how the timer works (also, it was a full four hour exam, just like the real one). I got done an hour an half before the 4 hours was up. I barely passed with a 75, which is really good, but I need to slow down, because some of the questions I missed were because I read over it too fast and had I slowed down, I probably would have gotten it correct.

3. I need to live in faith that God is truly sovereign and that whatever happens is the best for me. Passing may not be the best....maybe it is. Whatever happens though, is what God intended. Easy to say, hard to accept and fully believe and trust in your heart with.

I think that is really all I have. Jesus is the only way I can get through this without going crazy and losing myself in the CPA exam...prayer has had such a huge impact. My mom has been telling me how she's been praying for me this week and looking back I see how balanced and good my studying has been throughout the week...God is so good and faithful. So thanks for your prayer :) It means more to me than you know.

Disney Love Song Collection

Okay, so I was just thinking that my last post was a tad-serious. I mean I'm pretty passionate about love and the way we view guys (MOSTLY because I've struggled with that a lot in the past)

But I wanted to do a little survey that is a little more light-hearted :)

I just got a CD in the mail from Reed's mom called "The Essential Disney Love Song Collection"

I thought it would be fun to see what everyone's favorite Disney love songs are. So here are the choices:

1. When You Wish Upon a Star - Inspired by Pinocchio
2. Can You Feel the Love Tonight - Lion King
3. True Love's Kiss - Enchanted
4. Bella Notte - Lady and the Tramp
5. Kiss the Girl - The Little Mermaid
6. So This is Love - Cinderella
7. Once Upon a Dream - Sleeping Beauty
8. A Whole New World - Aladdin
9. Something There - Beauty and the Beast
10. One Dance - Little Mermaid
11. Baby Mine - Dumbo
12. I Won't Say (I'm in Love) - Hercules
13. If I Never Knew You - Pocahontas
14. You'll Be in My Heart - Tarzan
15. I Wonder - Sleeping Beauty
16. My Gift Is You - Disney Holiday Song (I've never heard of this one)
17. Beauty and the Beast - Beauty and the Beast
18. Stay Awake - Mary Poppins

I think I'm torn between "A Whole New World" and "Beauty and the Beast".

What's your favorite Disney love song?

Well, if Jane does die, it will be a comfort to know she was in pursuit of Mr. Bingley.

I wanted to have some cute quote from Pride and Prejudice in my title but I ran across this one and I thought it was befitting.

How many times do we "die", spiritually, in the pursuit of our own Mr. Bingley.

I know that I am not exactly single, in fact I'm quite near the opposite.

But I remember the days when I would crush on any and every guy, feeling as if my life would never quite be complete without a man. I know I'm not alone in this feeling. It's amazing how sometimes we can let our parents, our culture and our own bleeding hearts convince us that it is okay to "die" in the pursuit of a man.

We lose our satisfaction in Christ. We lose our trust in His sovereignty. We take control and determine our own destiny. Because "naturally", we humans, who are as the dust of the earth, we must know how life should play out.

I guess I just wanted to write this as an encouragement to all ladies. Single and those in relationships.

It is not as if I still don't struggle with lofting unrealistic expectations on Reed. I realize how much I truly expect the perfectly cute, Mr. Bingley out of him. How I still pursue my completeness in Him. It is folly and ridiculous pursuit and I am still working on just loving him and not expecting Him to be my savior.

I'm not saying Reed isn't wonderful, but I'm just saying that looking from the outside in, it seems so comical that we are so willing to damage ourselves for feeling "loved". That is not real love. Christ is real love.

Watching the movie pride and prejudice, no one can help but laugh inside when Mr. Bennett makes the comment that it is a comfort to know Jane might die in pursuit of Mr. Bingley. I'm not sure if Jane Austin meant it or not, but she has tapped into probably one of the biggest struggles woman have...this fear of not having someone love you in the end. Everyone around sees that it is making you sick, that you could die and they see how trivial a man is compared to the vitality of life....but still we pursue.

I don't know if much of this makes sense, but I know that there has got to be a healthier balance in life.

Are men wonderful? Yes! I love Reed so incredibly much.

But neither of us would know how to love each other fully if not for the all surpassing love of God.

We both have to continually shed this idea that we "complete" each other. Were we made for each other? Most definitely. But the piece that will complete us is a true, real, honest, deep, raw and meaningful relationship with Christ.

I have to be careful of the times that I put Reed in a position that makes him become my everything. He physically, emotionally and spiritually cannot be my everything. He is a human. I'm still learning this. I'm still trying to put into perspective and proper balance how relationships should be in our lives.

Just some thoughts on Valentine's.

Love is what makes the world go round. God is love.

Share the Well

SO I made a long post about India a couple of posts back....

I'm not sure that many people read the whole thing, BUT if you did, then I need to make a correction to my comments.

The CD is not entirely about India...although a LOT of it is, I realized that the song that triggered my interest about the CD is actually about an Ecuadorian family.

Ha. I guess after reading a couple of titles about Bombay and Dalits I thought it was all India. The song is still amazing though...like really good.

The REALLY COOL thing about me realizing my mistake is that I found out by reading an article talking about Caedmon's Call's travels that lead to this CD.

Amazing. After reading the background to why they wrote all these songs, I can hear their heartache in the music. Sometimes they are frustrated with themselves for not seeing God's hand moving in these places, sometimes they are frustrated with the situation of the poor around the world and sometimes you can just really hear their hearts crying for change in the world. It is neat to see a band tackle and really get emotional about so many of the hurts in the world.

I think its amazing to learn/think/remember about what people around the world do on a day to day basis. It kind of makes all the clutter in my life seem silly.

Can you tell I'm enjoying this CD?

Study, Study, Study

No, I'm not avoiding you.

No, I'm not out of the country.

No, I'm not married yet.

....It's just this....

My CPA exam is next Tuesday and there is SO much stuff to know.

This "review" week is one where I kind of have to study by myself...at least I can't study with people who only need to get some non-urgent stuff done, because it is so easy for me to talk and forget about the exam and then freak out when I realize how much time I've given up. It's also really hard for me to keep myself accountable to studying and doing this as unto the LORD.

About the only people that I can study with are other people in their "review" week for the exam and Reed, just cause he has a TON of stuff he has to get done too (he's taking 9 hours on top of working 40 hours a week)...and he is really good at keeping me accountable to studying. So he tries to call me out if I'm getting distracted etc.

So all that to say...I'm sorry I haven't seen all your pretty faces recently....

BUT!

after next Tuesday...I'M FREE! At least for a week and a half! And I want to have a party, or just hang out with YOU! So, if anyone would like to join me in playing some wii/maybe watching some girlie movies next weekend (like the weekend of the 20th through the 22nd), please let me know ;). I'm open and available.

Oh and I like coffee too...so coffee dates any night after the 17th are welcome :)

p.s. Thanks to everyone who is just loving me through this busy time in my life...I'm sure its note easy, but thanks for sticking with me :)

I know, I know

I change my blog background every five seconds...

Ironically, the title of this background on the cutest little blog website is called "I'm torn."

It was meant to be I guess. This one might stay on here for a while, it's pretty cute :)

The Roses

God is so good. And so sovereign. I love how he awakens my heart in the most amazing ways.

Yesterday when I was studying, a song began playing on my Nickel Creek Pandora station...It was called The Roses by Caedmon's Call. After hearing it about 4 times over the past week, I was curious what album it was from. I clicked on the link and it took me to the album description (the album is called "Share the Well".

It is an album all about India.

My heart melted.

I don't know if many people know, except for Reed, but I have the biggest soft spot for India and Indian people.

It started with reading the book "Revolution in World Missions" by KP Yohannan. Amazing. Life Changing. This book gave me such a wake up call as far as where my perspective was on world missions. Missions had never impacted the depth of my heart so deeply.



God was moving my heart in such a big way, but the true "seal" that made me realize I had a heart for India was the amount of Indian people that were put into my life. I happen to be in a very technical field in the business school and besides the PPA students in all my classes, the other half is mostly international students. The majority are Indian students with some Chinese, Vietnamese and others mixed in.

At first, I will be so honest, I thought the Indian students were just going to think we were all so stupid because I had this idea that they were just machines that could do anything and everything perfect. I was so intimidated that I just hoped I could get by without them thinking I was an idiot.

Then I met Alok, Kabir, Nidhi, Vinodh, Loc, Bhargav and Kushal. These guys will never fully know how much they mean to me. I have learned so much from them...so much.

First, I learned that Indian people are....well, people. There are some really overachieving Indian people and there are some really slacker Indian people. I guess I realized that we had more similarities than differences than I thought. Just like I had pieces of overachiever and little pieces of slacker, so did they. They were human.

Second, I was humbled by how sincere and loving they are. Never ONCE did they ever forget my name. In fact, I started to have to take seriously the art of remembering people's names just because one introduction means they will forever remember my name. They are the most sincere and welcoming people I know. They always will stop and talk to me in the hallways and never once will they pretend like they don't see me in order to get where they are going quickly or avoid an awkward conversation. They care to know me.

Ever since then, I have been just realizing how much I love my Indian friends. Each semester I meet new friends and realize in a new way how wonderful these people are. I feel the LORD truly moving and showing me how beloved they are in His sight. None of them are Christians, in fact, most would claim to be Hindu, but don't really practice all that much. But they are beautiful people....I wish I could just give you a taste of how beautiful their hearts really are. Jesus has really opened up my heart to love and pray for them. They are so lost, but they are still so wonderful and they are children of God....

This semester I have been humbled and learning so much from the LORD. Jesus has shown me how much I truly desire control and how much I truly desire to be put together. He has revealed the sin in my heart that is afraid of losing friends I love if I'm not perfect to them all the time. He is showing me how I have bought into Satan's lie that people will not love me if I am anything but perfect to them all the time. I also have realized how much I try and perform perfectly for God. I didn't think I did it, but God has been so faithful in illuminating instances where I cannot come to terms with the fact that I will mess up. I can't just give myself, how I am, messiness and all, over to Jesus.

While Jesus has been holding me in His arms and tenderly comforting me as I have had sins exposed, I really have been trying to learn how to balance true communion with God and seeking to pour out. I think I am an "extremist" and choose either one side of the pendulum or the other. Either I am all about my relationship with Christ or I am all about serving. I have a hard time with balance.

God is so faithful, though. During this time of refinement, when I am learning how to TRULY understand that Jesus is PRESENT with me...He DESIRES me, He LOVES me, I don't have to hate myself in order to prove that I want to change, I just need to hand over my sin to Jesus and trust that He will refine me.

While I am learning all this, God is so AWESOME to remind me of my love for Indians. He is showing me how to balance being in relationship with Him and pouring out my love to others.

I totally wasn't expecting this CD we found to have anything to do with India. It was on a blue grass station. Blue grass and India? Yeah I wasn't expecting that.

But man the second I saw that, I bought the CD and it is just the most amazing songs about India. It even has native Indians performing their music on the CD.

It is beautiful. It makes me want to go to India. It makes me want to go hug Manopa (the girl that I sponsor through Gospel for Asia).

I just wanted to share how good, awesome, mighty, powerful, compassionate and INTENTIONAL my Mighty Father, Abba, has been.

He is the one who stirs our hearts. Nothing about this love for India is of me. He started it all and He is so faithful to continue it in my heart. I am so thankful for this reminder of my Indian friends.

It has woken my soul again.

Emergency Chiropractor Visit

Sorry Danielle...I know chiropractors freak you out...

So over the past week I've been having some back and neck pain. This happens a lot so I don't always think much of it. I just figure I'll try and get through the pain until I can get into the chiro the next time I go home.

This is what neck pain looks like...I'm sure if you were behind me you could see the red glow of my pain.





Well it progressively got worse and two nights ago I went to bed with my left side of my neck throbbing and occasionally shooting pain into my temple area. Oh yeah and the pain in my back was making my arm and shoulder feel a little numb. I decided to put ice on my neck, but the pain was so bad that I could feel it through the ice.

The next morning I woke up and it was making me dizzy because of how much it ached. About that point I realized I needed to get into a chiropractor. I tried calling this office I was referred to but they couldn't get me in until the 19th! WHAT!

Needless to say, I needed to see a chiropractor quick.

So I called my chiropractor in San Antonio, got an appointment for the next morning at 8 and I drove to Boerne after my class at 1:30.

Weirdest day ever...

I woke up like normal in College Station.

Drove to Boerne, met my mom for dinner.

Woke up this morning, went to the chiropractor (where I figured out it was a pinched nerve and he adjusted me and fixed me) and then drove back to College Station.

I returned today around 11:50. That's about two hours earlier than when I left to go out of town yesterday.

Weird.

But oh so worth it. I feel MUCH better now. :)

There is my random story for the week :)

This is Home

"This Is Home"

I've got my memories
Always inside of me
But I can't go back
Back to how it was
I believe you now
I've come too far
No I can't go back
Back to how it was

Created for a place I've never known

This is home
Now I'm finally back to where I belong
Where I Belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching for a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home
This is home

Belief over misery
I've seen the enemy
And I won't go back
Back to how it was
And I got my heart set on what happens next
I got my eyes wide it's not over yet
We are miracles and we're not alone


And now after all my searching
After all my questions
I'm gonna call it home
I've got a brand new mindset
I can finally see the sunset
I'm gonna call it home


Now I know
Yeah, this is home
I've come too far
And I won't go back
Yeah, this is home


*You should all seriously go listen to this song...youtube it or something. It's amazing. For some reason it encourages me...like with its sound and some of its words, but mostly the beat...just lifts me up. I like it a lot :)

Nickel Creek

I forgot how much I loved Nickel Creek. I lost a lot of my music when my last computer crumped and yesterday my sister told me to create a pandora station with nickel creek.

GREAT suggestion. It is the best music around.

I have forgotten why they are one of my favorites.

Plus the station plays Allison Krauss & Union Station. And her voice is pretty amazing too.

I am frustrated, jealous, hurt, selfish and my soul feels at odds with everything right now. That is just how I woke up feeling this morning...and I needed to confess it.

2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

3 For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

Isaiah 43:2-3