My Love

Yesterday Reed and I were hanging out and I told him that my mom had gone to meet with the event center coordinators at the place we're getting married and that it had gone really well.

His reply was "That's so good...I can't believe it's only four months away..."

I said, "Really, its that short? I thought it was five?"

We counted it and he was right...only four months away as of February 6th.

My favorite part is what he added right after we realized it was four months away....

"Yeah and February is a short month, so its even better."

Love him. SO much.

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!

I just signed up for the CPA exam!

I am officially taking the first one on February 17! A little later than I was planning, but should give me TONS of time to study!

And I'm taking my second one April 22!!

Now I just need to schedule the third one at the beginning of April and I'm set!

I know this is lame that this excites me...BUT I'M SO EXCITED :) :) :) :)

A Jonah Moment

Last semester I got into this amazing mentoring relationship with a woman from church, Meredith. One of the things that I expressed to her was that at times I have this huge passion, but it gets stifled by the fact that sometimes I just don't know what to do with it. This manifests itself sometimes in feeling like I'm not getting much out of my time in the Word, or even in prayer. I guess I needed a little direction on how to be a disciple.

What was really cool about this relationship is that I could truly see God working in bringing us together. First off, Meredith has a heart for teaching and equipping people to take the Word and to discern what God meant for us to understand through it. Basically, she has a heart for people gathering their own meaning from the Word (different than twisting it for what you want) instead of relying on commentators to do the critical thinking for us. It is amazing how much God can reveal to us if we just simply approach the Word for ourselves. So she taught me how to do the inductive bible study method which I love learning. It was amazing the connections and meaning you see when you simply observe all of the details in the passage. The cool thing about the method is that you pray and seek to see what the LORD is speaking in this passage, not what you want it to say. I think that there is definitely meaning in the Word that is not up for interpretation...it just has ONE meaning, whether its to teach a lesson, or simply to reflect on God's character. You can learn and understand lots of different things from the one meaning, but in the end, there is only one thing God wanted us to hear. Some are a lot easier to discern than others, but in general, we can study the bible for ourselves instead of relying on all the commentaries and study bibles.

Okay wow, that was all just background to tell you the real story haha. So last semester Meredith and I studied Jonah and I learned this new bible study method. It was so cool and I learned so much from the story of Jonah. What was even better is that I did it on my own. What is really neat is that today I realized that the events of yesterday and today have totally tied into what I learned about in Jonah. I had a Jonah moment.

Fast forward to yesterday. God completely humbled me and ruined my plans about the CPA exam. That's right, I am no longer taking four parts of the CPA exam before graduation and marriage, I am only taking three. This was not me deciding it was too much, oh no, I HATE changing from the plan. For some reason I got it in my head that I HAD to get all of the sections passed before I got married because it would make my life miserable if I didn't.

Enter Almighty God. Well little did I know that I was about to get schooled on what it means to truly let go of control. Until yesterday I didn't even realize how big of an issue I have with control. I was going to CONTROL when I took the exam so I could CONTROL how happy life would be after the exam. I set up all of these different study times so that I could CONTROL how well I did on the exam.

I was doing little walking in faith. I was doing a lot of walking in Jessica-mode. I thought I knew how to do the best in the situation and I really did feel as if I was honoring the Lord by working my hardest. But I think when I look at the root of it, I wanted to control exactly when, where and how I studied for the exam.

Okay, so let me back up, why can I not take the exam? Well it turns out that it has taken the state board of accountancy a lot longer than expected to get my paperwork done, so I have not gotten signed up for the test that I am supposed to take in a week and a half. You probably are thinking, "Jessica that is SO much time"...well I thought so too, until everyone else said that every city surrounding College Station is basically full and there are no locations that have open spots to take the test. What's even worse is that at the end of February we are supposed to take the second section of the exam...but all of the spots are full then too. People are resorting to taking the exam only a couple of days after our class is done, leaving next to no time to review.

I personally was just overwhelmed...these were people who had already signed up...I hadn't even paid for my exam, which is the step BEFORE you actually sign up for the exam.

I came home and prayed about it and I just broke down to Jesus. I admitted how much I wanted to control this and how I had no idea what I was going to do. I confessed that I had taken off on my own path and was trying to make my way His way. It was in those moments that the Lord started to soften my heart to taking one part of the exam later. I started to realize that really, there is no reason not to. I have 11 weeks in the summer that Reed and I will be unemployed and just hanging out. I still had a hard time though breaking free from the "plan" that was set forth by our program...oh and almost instantly the enemy attacked with lies that I was being lazy and that choosing to take one less test means that I was a slacker.

I tell you what though, the more and more I reflected on this new plan, the more I realized that this was such a blessing...the Lord had literally chased me down and made me sit and think about what I was doing. I was going and going, studying and studying that I did not stop to think if there was any other way. This reminds me so much of how Jonah was, running away from the Lord.

But God was faithful. He captured him from his rebellion.

God was faithful with me and captured me from my sin of CONTROL.

The sad thing is, I have totally reflected Jonah's later actions as well with my thoughts and words today.

After God chases down Jonah and gives him a second chance to fulfill his call, he goes to Nineveh and does what the Lord commands.

BUT when the Lord has mercy on Nineveh Jonah becomes angry and basically goes out to the countryside and pouts because he thinks that God should have destroyed the city because they deserved it. He was angry at God for having mercy on the people of Nineveh.

Well slightly different, but slightly the same is how I acted towards the PPA office in my thoughts and words today.

I started to get angry and bitter in my words towards them because in my mind, had they let me know that I needed to get certain paperwork in before hand, I would not be so behind and I would be able to take the tests on time. I basically sat and complained to Jennifer this morning because of how the PPA office had wronged us.

I feel like I just spat in the face of my Father. Oh wait, I did.

I basically am still in the mindset that it would be better to do things the other way and that I am going to let the PPA office know it because they should have helped me out more.

Wait...isn't that how the Lord showed His face to me...through the brokenness of seeing that things were not going to go the way that I planned, but the way the God had planned.

And who am I to not have mercy on the administrators...My Father has mercy with me daily.

I seriously had a pout party this morning about how angry I was that they didn't tell me what I needed to do. I could have rejoiced at how the Lord had moved in the whole situation, how He caused me to walk in faith by losing the control that I so clung to.

Instead, I get bitter towards the people "responsible".

Thank goodness my Abba is a forgiving Father.

Thanks to anyone who read this, I just needed to confess how off base I have been today. Oh and I'm sorry if it doesn't make much sense...the Jonah parallel I think clicks better in my head than how I've written it.

I bought a new planner!

I have a love-hate relationship with my planners.

Sometimes, they are fine and I just use them for what they are meant for, jotting down to-do's.

But then sometimes they take on more meaning for me. Sometimes, they affect my mood. Crazy, right?

Here is my issue, when life gets stressful and full of "to-do's", I just can't handle having that stinkin rec planner. I mean most of the time, thats what I use and I'm fine with it.

But when I am busy and it is BLACK AND WHITE (dreary) and telling me that I need to work out 3 times a week, I just want to punch myself in the face. It makes me so depressed.

Okay, Okay you guys, I know I should be working out 3 times a week, but what if I just filled out my next two weeks of studying and I don't know when I'll have time to breathe? It's not so easy.

Anyways, all of this to say that yesterday I realized that my "final review week" for the CPA (the first of four sections of the exam) starts SATURDAY!! So I had to kind of get a game-plan going for the two weeks before my test.

A lot of times I just get sad looking at my old planner, because its just dreary (explained above) so because I was planning out my studying for the next two weeks, I decided it was NEW planner time! My planner kind of looks like the one pictured above...except cuter :)

It really does make me feel better....don't ask me why....it just does.

So I bought this super cute (super expensive...ouch) planner from target. It was worth it though, because I was able to just sit and kind of plan out how I was going to "attack" this exam.

I think I can do it :) I may drop of the face of the earth for 2 weeks (unless of course you want to come sit next to me at Starbucks!), but all-in-all, I think I can get it done.

Just a quick little fact...I have scheduled 56 hours of studying from this Saturday to next Friday night, with the plan to take the exam on Saturday morning. Okay I know that sounds crazy, but that is only giving myself like 3 hours to review each of the 9 sections, it gives me time to take 2 practice exams that are built just like the exam (so 4 hours long each) and it gives me time to go back over any memorization of rules that I may have forgotten over the month. After all of that, I'm just going to work problems over and over and over...just to get them nailed it.

I am determined to pass.

The one thing cool about all this is that last night, at praise and worship in our small group, I just sat there praising God by thinking of how AWESOME He is...how BIG He is. He is a healing and redeeming God. He is ALMIGHTY AND POWERFUL.

All this studying doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me anymore. Is it a lot of time? Yeah...but it's necessary to do well. And even though I'm busy, I carry my love Jesus with me everywhere. He is my rock and strength, even when I can't find any of my own.

It kind of makes the CPA exam seem like nothing.

Oh that's right....it is nothing compared to my Abba, Jesus.

good :)

One more disclaimer....just because I know and am desiring to be faithful in this whole journey, I know I will break down. I just pray that when I do, I turn to Jesus.

This verse has blown my mind and I really feel like the Lord is teaching me SO much about it with regards to how I walk through this exam "season" of my life:

22So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves. 23But the man who has doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.
Romans 14:22-23

It's that last part that gets me.

It is SIN to do anything without faith.

I don't know that I completely understand, but pray that over me and this exam.

I love you guys who read this and pray for me...it is such a blessing.

Until next time :)

learning

I feel like Jesus is teaching me a lot lately about what being in a relationship with Him looks like.

As sad as it is, when I "talked" to Jesus in prayer in the past, I didn't realize how stuck I was in the image of me relaying a verbal letter to heaven. I don't know that I ever truly looked at the room around me and thought, "Jesus, you are right here, you are sitting beside me...I can just speak."

I know this sounds really simple and maybe a lot of other people have already got this figured out. But I think that I was a slight bit off from really understanding that Jesus is PRESENT right now with me. I don't need to orchestrate a long and eloquent prayer. He is my Father, sitting right beside me. Why would I send a letter in the mail to my roommate knowing she was right there all along? I guess its kind of the same concept for me.

It makes the times I listen to worship songs in the car so different.

"When I think about the Lord, how He saved me, how He raised me..."
When I sing those words, in my thoughts I can speak to Jesus beside me and say, When I think about You Jesus, about the day You saved me, how You raised me. The real deal Jesus is sitting next to me, smiling as I shower Him with that praise. I reflect on my salvation story with the one who saved me...it makes it so much more meaningful and my heart just flutters. Before when I would think of that, I would sing it thinking of Jesus, reflecting on how awesome He is, but not consciously thinking, "Jesus, your sitting here and I want to tell you that this is my heart song to you."

It's kind of like the difference between me singing a corny Michael Buble song to Reed and singing it by myself while thinking of Reed. Singing with him next to me makes it so much more intimate...as if you can hear the heartbeat of our love.

I'm working on this in my relationship with Christ. God is so good and so incredibly faithful to continue to teach me this, to broaden and increase my definition of a "relationship with Christ".

I'm not sure where the Lord is taking me with it from here and I'm honestly not sure how much of this makes much sense to anyone else reading. The difference between how things were and how I am looking at them now are so DRASTICALLY different, but explaining the difference feels like I'm splitting a fine hair...So I understand if its not especially easy to understand what the heck I'm rambling about.

Kind of off topic a bit, but I need prayer for transformation of my time in the Word. I am hungry for true meaning out of the Word, but sometimes I can get intimidated and feel as if I'm not getting the full meaning and depth out of it. I am learning this cool new way of reading the bible that has been really fruitful (it's called the inductive bible study method), but I'm not completely sure how to do it just yet, so I'm still yearning and grasping for the fullness of the Word. God will grant us the desires of our hearts and I know He will be faithful.

Welcome to the School of Rock

Well hello everyone! I thought I would take this opportunity to recap my first week of getting into the studying grind for the CPA exam. Overall, it was not too bad. I only felt a little discouraged/defeated maybe twice and REALLY briefly, its amazing how faithful God is when you call on Him in those moments. I'm reading this book called "Abba's Child" and it is talking a lot about the empowerment and strength we can have if we just recognize Jesus Christ's present risenness (basically meaning that we should not just appreciate Christ rising from the dead 2000 years ago, but that we should understand that it means He is walking with us constantly today). We can literally meet with the Lord at anytime...As much as you can say "oh yeah I knew that", I just don't know how much I actually realize/take advantage of the amazing power that exists when your Savior walks along side you.

So here goes the actual recap:

Monday- Started off with our first Becker review class, which I kind of alluded to in some past posts. Really the review class is a whirlwind because your highlighting and writing notes the whole 4 hours. It was really good to have friends with me though...I'm trying to only speak words of encouragement and hopefulness. Our God gives us hope, so I'm going to be a bringer of hope.

Tuesday- Got into serious study mode at my house with Jennifer, Toni and Patricia. Intense. The first "chapter" we went over was not too tough, so I got through the notes and homework pretty quickly. Then I played wii.

Okay so I'm going to digress a little. I LOVE my new wii. It is SO much fun and has facilitated the goofiest moods that I have had in a while. Now, I have also realized that I can get too into playing the wii and it can be a major distraction from spending time with the Lord or studying, but kept under control, it is just freakin amazing. My favorite games are wii tennis and mario party 8...mario party being like my WAY all time favorite.

See doesn't it look like so much fun! See the cute red-headed character in the back? That's who I play, her name is Daisy....hahaha too much! I may seem like a little princess on screen, but I can dominate in that game!

Okay, back to recap time:

Wednesday and Thursday: We had another Becker class that night, but this time it was a little more challenging material and I remembered going home that night thinking, "Oh man I didn't remember a thing that lecturer talked about".

However, the next morning I went to Starbucks and spent a good 3 hours re-looking over the notes and the concepts began to make sense. The only hard thing about it, is there are so many rules to remember. Only do XXX if ALL of these 4 requirements are met. There was like 3 different things like that.

Thursday was also strange because Reed texted me in the morning saying his stomach wasn't feeling good. I thought maybe it was just one of those days, but nothing serious. Then at around 4 I got a call that he had thrown up at work and was headed home. Odd, but still I thought he should just get some rest and lay down. We discussed at this point that since he was CERTAIN he had caught this from his roommate Zach (who had been sick a few days before with the EXACT same symptoms) that I should not see him for a couple days, just because I still feel some lingering mono symptoms and since my immune system is low, it might not be a good idea. Well later that night after I hung out with Rachel (and her new kitty :), SOOOO cute) I got a text from Reed saying he had thrown up like 6 or 7 more times this evening. I called him and we talked and I realized that he was unable to keep ANYTHING down...water included. So that led to the next predicament, Reed was starting to get dehydrated. He called his mom and started taking this medicine that still didn't work. After a couple hours he started to get a dehydration headache pretty bad because he was still unable to keep down liquids. So at around 11, Zach took him to the hospital so that he could get an IV and get some fluids in him. CRAZY! I was left at home only texting Reed back and forth to hear how things were going. Apparently the IV helped a lot though because he felt a lot better the next day and actually ate two pieces of bread! He is MUCH better now, actually he is perfectly normal! But it was a seriously crazy 36 hours!

Friday- I did NO studying, which I later regretted because the homework for the chapter turned out to be REALLY hard...but I did have fun babysitting the Perryman's (couple who disciples Reed and I) kids.

Saturday- I woke up around 8:30 and started to study, but was having some serious distraction issues, not even to anything in specific, its just that my brain did not want to do accounting problems. Plus the problems weren't even making sense! So I went and saw Valkyrie with Jamie, which was WAY sad, but I thought it was a pretty okay movie in the end.

Sunday- Reed and I went to church together, like we do every Sunday we are in College Station, but it was just so good yesterday. I missed FBC Bryan and brother Tim just gave a really raw and vulnerable sermon that really challenge everyone to simplify life.

After the wonderful morning, I felt so much strength to start off my really busy day ahead. Because I had slacked off Friday and Saturday, I knew I needed to get a solid amount of studying in, so I studied from 12:30ish to 5:30 at Sweets and then came home and studied from 8:30-10:30. It was good, there were little moments when I would feel exhausted and want to give up, but there was always something keeping me going. I know that it was most definitely the Lord. All good things are from Him and I am feeling it so much throughout this process.

So here I am, Monday morning, at work and feeling really positive about this week! I have A LOT of studying to do, I'm going to try and study about 10 hours more than I did this week, which is huge, BUT I know that the Lord will help me through it. I just need to not kid myself and think that I have strength enough to accomplish that kind of a task on my own. I know I don't.

Anyways, here is to a wonderful Monday!

I don't know how to do this...

Uhoh, I am not sure how to do all of the accounting problems. I keep getting them wrong and I really don't understand why the computer is saying to add certain things to the liabilities even though its a prepaid liability. that is an ASSET computer, not a liability.

i think it's cheating. or lying. or doing something sinful.

This means only one thing. Time to take a break, freshen up and go see a movie with Jamie. Oh yeah and play a little bit of wii (sometime soon I'll have to post about my current love of my new wii).

Okay, off to play with my P^2!

CPA Madness

Monday night, at approximately 6:00 PM I officially began studying for the CPA exam. It started pretty innocently with some recommendations on how to study and that if we sacrificed relationships it would be worth it in the end for your career. riiiiiight. Even joking about that shows how little we value fellowship now-a-days.

After the "I'm going to intimidate and scare you into studying for four months straight" speech, we watched our first lecture for 3 hours and 45 minutes. It really wasn't too bad, although I never would have lasted had we not had a 10 minute break in the middle. It was also nice to sit next to people you know. That way when the lecturer makes a ridiculous joke about spending Friday night date with the format of an income statement, we just looked at each other with disgust.

So here is what I am planning on doing with this whole CPA exam business. I am going to work hard, but I am not going to be motivated by the tactics that apparently the world thinks are the best.

I will not be motivated by fear. One of the biggest tactics they throw at us is to be afraid of the test and therefore you'll prepare adequately. I think the better way to look at this is so simply take it as seriously as it is. Is this a serious deal, most definitely. Something that I should be afraid of? Definitely NOT.

I will not be motivated by the money I will make if I am a licensed CPA therefore justifying spending less time with people I care about. Seriously CPA people, stop joking about "if they really loved you they'd let you studying all the time and be successful". If I really loved my friends and fiance, it would never, EVER be an option to sacrifice them. Will my amount of time decrease? Sure, but it is not impossible to pursue people when your studying 30 hours a week.

Most of all, I just want to not let this exam dominate my life. Will it dominate my time? Without a doubt, yes. But does that mean that I have to sacrifice joy, fun, peace, relationships, discipleship and friendships? I can guarantee the answer will be no.

How can I have so much confidence in this? Because this test is not an omen. It's a blessing. It is something I am truly thankful for and I truly believe that GOD, the Almighty, Sovereign God, ordained for me to take this test. He has given me a wonderful opportunity and HE has provided me with it. Not my effort, not my genius...No, the Lord on High. Therefore, I will not be afraid of a blessing. I will embrace it. I will not idolize this blessing. I will put it in its rightful place in my priorities. I will not let this blessing become everything my life is about. Is this exam a bad thing? No, but I can see how it easily could become something satan uses to tempt me to sin by putting it above the Lord and above people.

All that to say that I resolve to be EVER THANKFUL for the CPA exam. Hold me to this, please hold me accountable.

I resolve to not stress about the CPA exam. I know that a certain amount of natural stress is good, but I am talking about the hopeless, constantly anxious stress. DEFINITELY hold me to this.

I resolve to continually recognize that Jesus walking beside me and helping me is the only way I will make it through this test. Good thing I know that I have an ever faithful Savior.

That is where my complete confidence in this exam process comes from.

I am not relying on myself. I am choosing Jesus Christ. He will be my rock.