Exercise!!!

Guess what! I have started to exercise again!

It has been A LONG time since I have exercised. My two main reasons for not working out have been battling with feeling to busy with studying and feeling scared that if I work out, I'll get mono again. Being the anomaly who gets mono THREE times when your supposed to get it once and then never have to deal with it again, I am a little hesitant to exert myself physically. At least not too much, too quickly.

My first day of working out started with a 45 minute walk. I actually wasn't really keeping track of time and I'm not really sure I know how far I went. I do know that I tried to do the proper technique of power walking, ie the heel to toe walk and a much faster pace then my normal walk. It felt SO good to walk and enjoy the weather.

Throughout the walk I listened to my favorite Caedmon's Call CD and decided that I was going to sing out loud, because who cares what the people in the cars think of me. I like to sing...so what?!?!

Anyways, by the end of the walk, the power walking was really starting to work my upper thighs and my calves. If you do the right technique, power walking is a pretty good workout.

Then I got home and discovered my new workout buddy...the Wii Fit!

It is so cool! You play little games to do aerobics and strength training and balance training workouts. By the time you've done 30 minutes, you don't even realized that you've worked out your abs and your legs!

My favorite was the hula hoop game! That is the one I have pictured above. Basically because your standing on the wii fit board, it can tell how you are shifting your weight and therefore it will "hula" on the screen. While your doing it, its amazing how much your abs and your back get worked out by doing the circular hip motion. It's way cool.

They also have strength training stuff, so you can do ab exercises, arm exercises, and leg exercises.

By the end of the whole work out, the walk and the wii fit, I felt SO GOOD! I mean I was a little sore, but not overly sore. It was a perfect balance of feeling like my body had gotten some work in, but at the same time not overexerting myself.

I think that this might be my new workout plan, walk (eventually getting to a jog, then run) and do wii fit!

I'm pretty gosh darn excited :) :) :)

Rest

This week has been such a hard but good week.

I have learned SO much from the exam I took on Tuesday.

It was ridiculously hard. I knew it would be hard, but I wasn't expecting them to ask random obscure questions. It made me feel a little better to know not everyone had the same test, so I had comfort in the fact that I had a hard test.

Then I started thinking of how unfair it would be if I didn't pass and other people did because they got the easy test. If I had there test, I probably would have passed too.

In small ways here and there, bitterness started to creep in my heart. I completely bought into the lie that it was not fair. I deserved better. I worked hard.

I talked with my mentor about it and she hit me dead on with a really hard hitting question...Do I really believe God is sovereign? What is the underlying fear keeping you from believing that?

I thought I had done pretty well thinking God was sovereign but ever since she asked me that question, I started to evaluate my heart on it all.

It was obvious I did not believe at all that God was sovereign. First, by my bitterness and complaints I saw that I truly believed people were in control and they were being unfair.

I guess it hit me hard when I realized that these had just been words for me. God being "sovereign" throughout this process was not being reflected in my thoughts and actions.

Praise God for exposing this sin. I think had my test gone well, I would not have had a clue that I didn't really believe in God's sovereignty because when I professed it before, I really thought I believed it. I needed this bad experience to show me that there were some big areas of darkness in my heart.

I'm still coming to terms with it and wrestling with God about where to go from here. I'm not really sure to be quite honest. But I can say that I am for sure God had everything to do with my test on Tuesday. And His plan had nothing to do with me passing or failing or anything like that. I think that the CPA exam this first time around was not about me getting accounting, but about me trusting God. It was about me learning that I didn't really understand what resting in belief was.

That I am sure of. God intended to teach me a lot. A LOT. I'm still digging through it to be honest. I'm still trying to learn how to love the Lord fully, to find my rest in Him by truly TRULY believing in His will over everything....I'm still trying to see myself, mistakes and all, as truly and completely beloved. I'm still trying to just enjoy being still with God, because He simply is God. And that is never a waste of time.

There are so many things the Lord Jesus is doing right now. Hopefully I can have a little more clarity in what it is later on.

For now, all I can say is the CPA exam was awful, but it revealed my messy heart...without it being awful, I would never have realized my lack of faith and my hypocrisy in professing that God is sovereign. It had to be more than words for me...I had to experience it, to "get" it.

I'm thankful that God is so good and faithful...I'm glad He perseveres and has patience in teaching me. I still don't even "get" it. But at least I see that there is something I need to "get".

sitting at work

Thanks for the prayer everyone! I'm not sure I'm completely ready to tell the exam story. I feel like I've told it at least 5 times yesterday and once today.

Honestly, I'm mostly not ready because it was bad...like really bad. There is definitely more to that story. But for now, I'm wanting to choose peace and I'm just not ready to let it all out yet.

BUT! Guess what!

I get to have a date night tonight! My mom sent me some money for a "post-exam celebration" dinner and Reed and I are going to go to Pei Wei and then we are going to go to Barnes and Nobles to get ideas for our ceremony and vows.

I am SO excited! We are meeting with Toney, the pastor who is doing our wedding, tomorrow, so tonight is the night where we sit nerdily in Barnes and Noble isles looking at ideas for how our ceremony will go.

I cannot tell you how much my heart melts when I think of marrying Reed. Everyday I just want to tell someone how excited and ready I am to marry him. I know people probably expect that, but he is amazing....

He is the one who:
-makes me come to his work so that he can sit in the car with me while I cry about my exam.
-buys me groceries so I can have extra time to study
-desires for our marriage to be about Christ, even if that means we have to do things out of our comfort zone
-takes his poetry class seriously and could talk to me for hours about how to put a poem together correctly
-plays wii with me and lets me talk trash, even though he beats me every time
-tells me how proud he is of all the work I've put into the CPA exam, because he knows how important it is for us
-constantly builds me up and encourages me
-doesn't mind that I'm goofy and a tad bit nerdy
-would pick me over soccer any day
-texts me every morning with "Good morning beautiful :) How did you sleep?"
-doesn't think I should be ashamed of being sensitive
-has grace with me when I repeatedly don't deserve it

I just, plain and simply, love him.

Tomorrow is the Day.

Tomorrow is the day that I will take the first section of the CPA exam.

I'm excited, but I'm also a little nervous.

Right now, I feel relaxed and I feel pretty okay, but I keep hearing these lies that I'm not studying hard enough, or I haven't worked hard enough, or that I'm going to have a panic attack as soon I sit down for the test and nothing I try to do will help. Lies.

So I have some prayer requests:

1. That I not choose to be anxious, but that I completely walk in faith during the test. Right now I'm okay, but satan is attacking and there is still 27 hours until my test.

2. That I slow down when taking my test. I took a practice exam yesterday, which was EXACTLY like the real exam, right down to the way the buttons work and how the timer works (also, it was a full four hour exam, just like the real one). I got done an hour an half before the 4 hours was up. I barely passed with a 75, which is really good, but I need to slow down, because some of the questions I missed were because I read over it too fast and had I slowed down, I probably would have gotten it correct.

3. I need to live in faith that God is truly sovereign and that whatever happens is the best for me. Passing may not be the best....maybe it is. Whatever happens though, is what God intended. Easy to say, hard to accept and fully believe and trust in your heart with.

I think that is really all I have. Jesus is the only way I can get through this without going crazy and losing myself in the CPA exam...prayer has had such a huge impact. My mom has been telling me how she's been praying for me this week and looking back I see how balanced and good my studying has been throughout the week...God is so good and faithful. So thanks for your prayer :) It means more to me than you know.

Disney Love Song Collection

Okay, so I was just thinking that my last post was a tad-serious. I mean I'm pretty passionate about love and the way we view guys (MOSTLY because I've struggled with that a lot in the past)

But I wanted to do a little survey that is a little more light-hearted :)

I just got a CD in the mail from Reed's mom called "The Essential Disney Love Song Collection"

I thought it would be fun to see what everyone's favorite Disney love songs are. So here are the choices:

1. When You Wish Upon a Star - Inspired by Pinocchio
2. Can You Feel the Love Tonight - Lion King
3. True Love's Kiss - Enchanted
4. Bella Notte - Lady and the Tramp
5. Kiss the Girl - The Little Mermaid
6. So This is Love - Cinderella
7. Once Upon a Dream - Sleeping Beauty
8. A Whole New World - Aladdin
9. Something There - Beauty and the Beast
10. One Dance - Little Mermaid
11. Baby Mine - Dumbo
12. I Won't Say (I'm in Love) - Hercules
13. If I Never Knew You - Pocahontas
14. You'll Be in My Heart - Tarzan
15. I Wonder - Sleeping Beauty
16. My Gift Is You - Disney Holiday Song (I've never heard of this one)
17. Beauty and the Beast - Beauty and the Beast
18. Stay Awake - Mary Poppins

I think I'm torn between "A Whole New World" and "Beauty and the Beast".

What's your favorite Disney love song?

Well, if Jane does die, it will be a comfort to know she was in pursuit of Mr. Bingley.

I wanted to have some cute quote from Pride and Prejudice in my title but I ran across this one and I thought it was befitting.

How many times do we "die", spiritually, in the pursuit of our own Mr. Bingley.

I know that I am not exactly single, in fact I'm quite near the opposite.

But I remember the days when I would crush on any and every guy, feeling as if my life would never quite be complete without a man. I know I'm not alone in this feeling. It's amazing how sometimes we can let our parents, our culture and our own bleeding hearts convince us that it is okay to "die" in the pursuit of a man.

We lose our satisfaction in Christ. We lose our trust in His sovereignty. We take control and determine our own destiny. Because "naturally", we humans, who are as the dust of the earth, we must know how life should play out.

I guess I just wanted to write this as an encouragement to all ladies. Single and those in relationships.

It is not as if I still don't struggle with lofting unrealistic expectations on Reed. I realize how much I truly expect the perfectly cute, Mr. Bingley out of him. How I still pursue my completeness in Him. It is folly and ridiculous pursuit and I am still working on just loving him and not expecting Him to be my savior.

I'm not saying Reed isn't wonderful, but I'm just saying that looking from the outside in, it seems so comical that we are so willing to damage ourselves for feeling "loved". That is not real love. Christ is real love.

Watching the movie pride and prejudice, no one can help but laugh inside when Mr. Bennett makes the comment that it is a comfort to know Jane might die in pursuit of Mr. Bingley. I'm not sure if Jane Austin meant it or not, but she has tapped into probably one of the biggest struggles woman have...this fear of not having someone love you in the end. Everyone around sees that it is making you sick, that you could die and they see how trivial a man is compared to the vitality of life....but still we pursue.

I don't know if much of this makes sense, but I know that there has got to be a healthier balance in life.

Are men wonderful? Yes! I love Reed so incredibly much.

But neither of us would know how to love each other fully if not for the all surpassing love of God.

We both have to continually shed this idea that we "complete" each other. Were we made for each other? Most definitely. But the piece that will complete us is a true, real, honest, deep, raw and meaningful relationship with Christ.

I have to be careful of the times that I put Reed in a position that makes him become my everything. He physically, emotionally and spiritually cannot be my everything. He is a human. I'm still learning this. I'm still trying to put into perspective and proper balance how relationships should be in our lives.

Just some thoughts on Valentine's.

Love is what makes the world go round. God is love.

Share the Well

SO I made a long post about India a couple of posts back....

I'm not sure that many people read the whole thing, BUT if you did, then I need to make a correction to my comments.

The CD is not entirely about India...although a LOT of it is, I realized that the song that triggered my interest about the CD is actually about an Ecuadorian family.

Ha. I guess after reading a couple of titles about Bombay and Dalits I thought it was all India. The song is still amazing though...like really good.

The REALLY COOL thing about me realizing my mistake is that I found out by reading an article talking about Caedmon's Call's travels that lead to this CD.

Amazing. After reading the background to why they wrote all these songs, I can hear their heartache in the music. Sometimes they are frustrated with themselves for not seeing God's hand moving in these places, sometimes they are frustrated with the situation of the poor around the world and sometimes you can just really hear their hearts crying for change in the world. It is neat to see a band tackle and really get emotional about so many of the hurts in the world.

I think its amazing to learn/think/remember about what people around the world do on a day to day basis. It kind of makes all the clutter in my life seem silly.

Can you tell I'm enjoying this CD?