Confession

I need to confess something that has been going on for maybe the last month or so. I mainly want to do this to 1) ask anyone who reads this to pray for me 2) to foster transparency in my life and 3) to remind myself how much I am still daily in need of Jesus' grace.

Lately I've been struggling with depression-like thoughts. I don't think it is really depression, but I have been just stuck in a rut. I'm not always upset, but I'm mostly apathetic to "down" about things. I've found that I feel defeated a lot with life and school and the feelings of sadness as I walk away from College Station.

I've been praying a lot about these feelings and about how to deal with them. When it comes right down to it, I've chosen to settle into these feelings because I've chosen to focus on myself and my circumstances. Mostly the things that I have chosen to get down about are: the CPA exam, feeling like I don't have time to spend with friends, struggling with still being sick with mono and feeling like I'm always doing something without stopping to take a breath.

Life is hard, but I don't think that I should be choosing to feel down. And I know it's a choice I've made and that its going to be hard to conquer. In fact, on my own, impossible to conquer. But I know that God is love and the His Word says that we have a hope and a future.

I have something to have joy about. Maybe I won't be happy all the time, but I have a reason to have a deep down joy. I'm trying to get that right in my heart. I'm trying to let go of dwelling on myself. But I know that in the end, it is only through God's grace that this is accomplished.

Thanks for listening and thanks for praying...I feel hope rising in me, which is so encouraging, but I know this might be longer than an "overnight" thing. God is teaching me something and I know He is faithful...so I'm going to continue to seek Him through this.