Description of a Worthy Woman
10An excellent wife, who can find?For her worth is far above jewels.
11The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
12She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
13She looks for wool and flax
And works with her hands in delight.
14She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.
15She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens.
16She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17She girds herself with strength
And makes her arms strong.
18She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.
19She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hands grasp the spindle.
20She extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to the needy.
21She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22She makes coverings for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
24She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies belts to the tradesmen.
25Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future.
26She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
27She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
29"Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all."
30Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
31Give her the product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates.
WOW...I haven't posted in a while....
A lot has gone on the past week. God has been so good to reveal Himself to me in studying, in my lack of studying and everywhere in between. I took the REG section of the CPA exam on Wednesday and felt really at peace about it. Not at peace in the sense that I know I passed, I just was at peace with God's sovereignty. It's amazing how reflecting on the creator helps to put things into perspective. The exam is not all there is to life. It was neat to more than just say that but experience it.
Honestly, the days leading up to the test were amazing. I was joyful and giddy and had some AMAZING time in the Word. There were moments when I was tempted to get defeated and there were moments when I gave into the temptation of distraction. I didn't do last week perfectly, but I felt free in God's grace. I didn't feel guilt or condemnation. I felt hope. I'm not saying I didn't have to look at the points of selfishness and address them seriously, but I didn't beat myself up about them. I don't know if that makes sense but it seems like there is a real difference there. Maybe conviction doesn't have to look like beating myself up?
After the test I just got to spend a good couple of days relaxing and being slow. I picked up Harry Potter again (I know, I know, I'm being judged right now...I still love Jesus) and it was good to have just fun reading. Not studying, not deep, just "fluff". I have to be careful that "fluff" isn't all I read, but it was nice to have a break. I also have been working my way through the Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring. I've watched bits and pieces for the last couple of days. I seriously forgot how good that movie is. I LOVEEEEE it. I could ramble on about why, but there isn't any need to bore everyone.
The one thing that I am struggling with this week since my test is sleep. Most people know that I have chronic mono. To a lot of people that is a, "So what?" kind of thing. People think that I should be able to run or workout, because I am not visibly sick like most people with mono. But really, doing those things exhausts me a lot more than normal people. To the point where I'm somewhat used to getting sick after working out for a couple of weeks. If I do workout, I have to ensure that I have a good 9 hours of sleep to make sure my body doesn't start into "mono mode" again.
It's hard though...I know how my body is, I know that it is just how life is. But I wish for more. I wish I could wake up early. I wish I didn't need to go to bed at 10 to wake up early. That is why I put the Proverbs 31 scripture above. There has been a verse that is just hitting me deep at my core:
15She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens.
I know that I sound crazy, but as much as one side of me desires to sleep in and rest all the time because it makes me physically feel better and I just like sleeping, there is one side of me that truly desires to be able to wake up before my household and serve them. I guess I have this romanticized picture in my head. I'm sure that this verse doesn't mean it was easy for her to rise. But she rose. She got out of bed. I cannot tell you how much of a struggle it is to fight with my body to rise in the mornings. Some morning its great, but if I haven't slept for at least 8 hours, sometimes I just feel like it is physically so hard. It's like past my own self-will hard. I truly want to believe that I can be this woman. I just don't know how to. I know that I have to bring it to the Lord but I will be honest and confess something to you guys here...
Sometimes I am like Sarah and Abraham (the whole, "we're too old to have a kid" bit) and I have doubts about whether God can reverse something that I have been diagnosed with. In the end Abraham believed and it was reckoned to him as righteousness. For the longest time I never new what this meant out of Genesis 15:6, but recently I've been studying it and seeing that it means that because Abraham believed, he was made righteous. It is the example for the ages...faith brings us into righteousness, not our works.
But I have to have faith...and I must confess, I doubt that I can wake up, which means that I doubt God's sovereignty. And as trivial as waking up in the mornings might seem for some people, it is a spiritual struggle for me because it exposes some deep rooted disbelief that I carry.
I know that this is something that I can only turn to the Lord for a deal with it with Him. I must continually put on the new self, full of faith and trust in God. Really this all starts with bearing all of this to the Lord....
I want to be a godly wife for Reed and right now God is totally working on this seemingly small but big part of my life. I just pray for transformation and that I be continual made into the wife I need to be for Reed. Reed is amazing...I love him so much and I truly want the Lord to be the center of our life together...I want us to reflect Christ in our marriage. Pray for our last two months of preparation, that we be continual transformed and prepared for life together.
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